On worrying as a parent

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There was no way I could ever prepare for the level of anxiety and worrying that came with becoming a parent. I suspect my baseline level of anxiety is higher than most people, which is to say this post is not meant to be hyperbole or any sort of warning for future parents. 

The first example of worrying I’ll give is day one, at the hospital, just after my son was born. To set the stage a little bit, the morning started very early for us, the bleary-eyed, groggy kind of start. Much later that night, like about 24 hours later, rather than try to sleep, I stayed up next to his bassinet all night making sure he was breathing. Yeah, I sometimes still do this, and he’s well into his toddler years.

I also worry about developmental milestones. All the baby books and apps will say: “Your child should be able to do this, that, and the other thing by month whatever.” And don’t get me started on comparisons. Despite my best efforts to not be like my first generation American parents who continue to compare me to other people my age (“Mark Zuckerberg is about your age… look how well he’s doing…”), I can’t help but make comparisons in my own head.

Now, while you might not be as anxious as I am, I’ve fielded enough questions about parenthood to know that I’m not totally alone. I want to share with you all my general reminders that help me deal with uncertainty and anxiety. 

My kids are lucky. Their parents are reasonably successful, working professionals. We have access to healthcare and education. Their parents are trying really hard to be the best parents they can be.

We are resourceful. I’m not a doctor or a child specialist. As well-to-do parents with reasonable means, we have found very good doctors and teachers that we trust. We trust these individuals with our children, and we trust them to tell us when things are going well or poorly. Unless they specifically tell us things aren’t going right, I really shouldn’t worry.

Remember the first and second points. If things are in fact going poorly, remember that we have the access to the right resources to intervene. We’ve got access to contingency plans.

We love our kids. No matter what.

Community. I’ve found that there’s no sense in going alone in the worry and parenthood in general. Venting with my friends can be therapeutic. 

These reminders are not foolproof; we are humans with emotions, emotions that can be revealing and useful.

Disclaimers

I’m just Tim the Dad. I’m not a medical professional, or any sort of child specialist. Please consult all necessary professionals before heeding any of my thoughts.