Lessons from the second month
Picture of me and my son when he was about 1 month old
In this series of posts, I plan on writing about things I’m glad I learned, that I remembered, that I did, or things I wish I remembered, things I didn’t do. I plan on writing them so that they’re relevant during a particular point in a child’s development.
The reason for these posts remains consistent with the reason for this blog in general: (1) mostly as a reminder for me, just in case we have a second child (we did by the way!); and (2) maybe there’s someone out there that finds my musings useful.
You can find this and other monthly lessons here.
Things I’m glad I did
Work less, and from home. I’ve said to many of my friends, “you don’t get this time back.” And what I mean is, my son has grown up so fast. And in the words of Ferris Bueller, “life moves pretty fast; if you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” When my son was born, I went back to work pretty quickly (technical issues regarding my benefits). However, I had a super flexible boss and company, which allowed me to work from home often, including full and partial days. The upsides of working from home include: reduced commute time, which equals more time with family; momentary breaks to hang out with family; and catching milestones in real life instead of on my smartphone. In order to self-regulate a bit, I did try to work from outside the apartment as much as I could.
Give “breaks” to my wife. She deserved it. I tried my best to make sure she felt like she could go out with friends, sleep in, or otherwise spend time how she wanted. As a high performer herself, I know that there was probably some guilt in being away from our son for any period of time. But I think it made her an even better mom when she could also have some semblance of a life outside of just being the “milk lady.”
Exercise. As I wrote in Month 0 lessons, I took it really easy in the beginning. At some point, we started to get something of a routine down (warning: read below), including more rest! With more rest, I could slowly ramp up the intensity of my workouts, including more body weight exercises. But even with 5+ hours of continuous sleep, I was still taking it pretty easy.
Things I am grateful for
More sleep. At some point, our son (and now our daughter) started to go a little longer between feedings at night. It’s pretty amazing waking up after two or maybe even three continuous sleep cycles (i.e., between 3 and 4.5 hours of sleep). And then something crazy started happening around the one month mark, the kids would start to sleep even longer! (Warning: read below.)
Accommodating wife. Though I have no other true frame of reference, I think parenting is much easier given that I have a partner who I can lean on when I’m running on empty. As I mentioned above, I returned to work within a couple of weeks of the birth of our son. Before he started sleeping through the night, my wife and I would take “shifts”; she took the early morning shift (i.e., 2-6 a.m.) so that I could get a few sleep cycles in before having to go to work. And, just as I tried to give my wife “breaks,” she was and continues to be incredibly focused on my wellbeing. She knows that I enjoy exercising, reading, and writing, so she never interrupts me when she knows I’m in a flow, and she’ll even suggest that I go for a run or workout.
Things I wished I remembered
Stay calm when I think we’ve got a routine and it gets broken. I have to remember anything “good” that happens is likely the exception instead of the norm at this early stage.
Sleep. Just because baby girl slept 7 hours last night does not mean she’ll sleep anywhere close to that tonight. And yes, I hope she does, but perhaps it’s better to plan for the worst.
Feeding. Just because baby boy is starting to feed at a four-hour cadence does not mean he won’t start cluster feeding immediately, and we’re constantly feeding him for the next 6 hours straight!
The Zen of Dad. Parenting is the best, and remember to experience parenthood and not just try to survive it. This is especially useful for me when life decides to throw my “routines” out the window.
Anything else you think should be on this list for the second month? Please comment below or contact me here!
Disclaimer
I’m just Tim the Dad. I’m not a medical or any sort of parenting professional. Please consult all necessary relevant professionals before taking my advice on anything!
